On Friday, I was a wreck. As the winds howled and the snow piled up, I paced to keep up. I failed at being the patient one, the composed one, the anchor. And when the power went out, I couldn’t slow my heart beat down.
This is new. Quite possibly I was having a panic attack. It subsided soon after the power came back on and every time it flicked, my heart jumped too.
We, however, are the fortunate ones. We did not lose power for more than a few minutes. We have food, we have propane. We are extremely low on oil as in the register is sitting on the bottom, below zero. I thought I had prepared. I called ahead for oil, well ahead of the storm, but was told Saturday or Sunday at the earliest. It is now Sunday and we are still under a state of emergency, which means all businesses are closed. And even those that might be open are not able to deliver. Most roads remain unplowed, or with one small cut, enough to allow a fire truck access or an ambulance.
The dog is still going to the back door to be let out. It is buried, but she doesn’t understand. Our front door was gusted clear of most snow so that is what we are doing now. I couldn’t let her out in the yard anyway, the snow has erased all defining boundaries between yards and neighbours.
While outside, in the frigid temps, -14 and -21 windchill, her little paws were freezing, but she had to go. I wouldn’t care if she peed inside, but she just wouldn’t, couldn’t. She is such a good dog.
I saw the sun rise this morning. Watched the snow turn that unreal shade of baby pink, the blue sky highlighted with just a few clouds of orange and pick and deep purple to the north. As I was standing there, I realized there was no sound, at all. No truck roar from the highway, no plow sounds, no engines, no voices. Even the gull that passed overhead was silent, it’s white belly catching all the shades of pink and orange from the rising sun. I don’t recall ever noticing such silence. It was quieter than my house, even though all were still sleeping. I posted about it and the feedback from others was amazing, some thanking me for the reminder and the positivity, others sharing their experiences with photos and words.
I am finally feeling the anxiety recede somewhat, although we are running low on some staples and it may be some time before stores are open and stocked and roads are drivable. They are calling for more snow this evening. It is what it is.