Good Morning everyone.

I am up early again today, not quite as early as yesterday, but I have had time to read my bible, pray, and watch a program. I wanted to share this with you all… it’s just really interesting that whenever I really submit myself to doing something to spend time with God, not only do I feel better, but it is always confirmed that I am doing the right thing, either by a verse in the bible, a program I choose to watch, some tangible thing that gives me evidence that, yes, I am doing the right thing. So this morning I watched Joyce Meyer and if you get a chance to watch todays program, you will see what I mean. She talked about forming a habit and about rising early in the morning to get spiritual food. When I first started the early morning thing in January, the verse that God gave me was exactly that…

It’s just so cool the way He can make Himself so real to me. And the things He chooses are always so relevant and specific. And that is when I feel I might just be walking in His Will.

Last night I went to a writers workshop and my mom went with me. She is working very hard on a novel, she thought she was finished it, but got her first rejection slip and I encouraged her to take this class with me. It was a bit different to be taking a class with my mother, but at the same time very cool to see her as an individual apart from being my mother. We had a great time and I think it will be beneficial to the both of us. It is a five week course and now I have homework! but that is great, because I find it very hard to motivate myself. If you only knew the struggle it is to keep my eyes from falling shut as I try to get out of bed. I must thank my husband when he gets up, because just as I almost gave in, he started snoring! It was either roll him over, or get up!

Miss Molly is awake, four dry nights in a row, woo hooo! She has a funny voice today, and a bit of a stuffy, runny nose. We are supposed to go skating today, but maybe I should keep her home.

We had freezing rain last night and today the trees are coated with about 1/2 inch of ice. So very pretty. I am surprised Terry is not up and out photographing this morning.

I think I might actually make it through the day today without a nap. I am feeling well rested despite the lack of sleep. I was wired last night when I got home from class and didn’t get to sleep till almost midnight. So the early rise this morning was difficult.

Good Morning everyone!   I am setting the table with green tea and honey this morning.  I am now 6 days without coffee.  Yeah, kind of a resolution…
My Dad asked Ben what he was doing for New Years and he said nothing, but mommy is quiting coffee ’cause it hurts her tummy.  I don’t recall telling him that, but I must have.  I love coffee, but am thinking if I can eliminate it I will be eliminating too much cream, too much sugar and might actually save my bones!
I am ambitious this year, planning to get up while the house still sleeps–without coffee???  Not sure if this is the right thing to do, but I prayed about it last night, knowing I was being told to do this by God, for what reason?  I love my bed, I love my coffee, but I HAVE to depend on Him totally to wake me, rise me, and give me purpose.  5 am for some reason seems to be the target.  So at 4:58 I woke with this light whispering going on, I sat up, stretched, thought about how warm the bed was, but got up out of it anyway.  I went downstairs, drank two small glasses of water and thought, well, since this is something God is requesting of me, and trying not to resent it, but to enjoy it, I opened my bible, randomly, as I do in these situations and God gave me this verse:  Acts 26:16-18.  I will write out the first part:  “But arise and stand upon your feet; for I have appeared to you for this purpose, that I might appoint you to serve as my minister and to bear witness both to what you have seen of Me and to that in which I will appear to you,  17 “Choosing you out (selecting you out for Myself) and delivering you from among this (Jewish) people and the Gentiles to whom I am sending you,  18 “To open their eyes that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may thus receive forgiveness and release from their sins and a place and portion among those who are consecrated and purified by faith in Me.”  Okay so I wtote the whole thing.
Afterwards, I got dressed and went for a walk through our neighborhood.  It was 6am.  Still dark, most sane people still in their warm cozy beds.  I was dressed well, and it was mild.  As I walked it occured me to use this complete solitude to talk to God and it was put on my heart to pray protection and blessing on each house I passed.
If you knew me, you would see God’s motivation in this, because I am a very quiet person, who needs alot of sleep and does not like to be cold or to exercise.
It was like being in a different body—no that’s not right, I can’t explain it, it is just so odd for me to step so far outside my comfort zone to do things I haven’t done before, but at the same time, there wasn’t a question about it, just a following……
So when I got back home, my husband was up getting ready for work wondering where on earth I was, but sitting there, not mad, but with a smile on his face.  Maybe God spoke to him too.  One can only hope and pray.
So all that being said, and that was alot to say, I feel this year has promise like I have never seen before, and I feel the need to prepare for it in ways I have never done.
Anyone else get this feeling?
So by 7am, Terry was just leaving, the kids were still sleeping and I felt released, so I hit the bed and slept sound for two solid hours.  THe kids slept in till nine and woke at the same time, crawled into my bed and sang together several times, “You Are My Sunshine”  Could I have had a more pleasant experience?  Then while I decided to shower before breakfast–which I never do–Ben took it upon himself and made breakfast for me, Molly and himself!  So that I wouldn’t have to do any work at all.
Are you blessed when you walk in the spirit?  I think so… I think so.
Debbie

It is mid-december and I have almost nothing done for Christmas. The lights are up outside, the bannister is decorated and there are a few snowmen about the house, but hardly any shopping or baking has been done. Christmas cards? Not this year. About the first week of November I have alot of good intentions regarding the holidays and buy wrapping paper, cards, and that sort of thing. A few gifts for Ben and Molly, but then I stop and find it very difficult as each day passes to rev my motor up again.

Maybe I have chronic fatigue syndrome…

Certainly I feel chronically fatigued. But maybe that is just part of being almost forty with two little kids running under my feet. It is so hard to even keep up with the tornado of debris that follows their running feet, let alone get on top of it. Those are the times when I question my sanity of deciding to homeschool, because at least for others, there is a reprieve, a chance to get on top of things while the children are out of the house for x number of hours every day. What bliss! But that is the only reason I would choose to send my kids to public school, so I could have a chance to clean the house. Doesn’t seem very rational to me!

We are officailly on a break from homeschooling until January. Why not? We started early, do school almost daily, why not break early. We will still accomplish more than he would have learned in kindergarten and I get the joy of watching his face light up when he learns something new! This morning he came bursting into my room waving a book in his hands that he had just read all by himself. Was he ever proud!

The children are upstairs, and eerily quiet and while I love these peaceful moments, they don’t last and usually it’s because they are doing something they don’t want me to know about. Sometimes though, the peace of these few minutes is worth the clean up that follows later. So I think I will pour myself another cup of coffee and snuggle on the couch with my pooch and a book.

Right now, i am reading “galore” by Michael Crummey. And I must say, it is quite good so far. I love Newfoundland writers that write about Newfoundland!

Yesterday I turned thirty-nine. Unexpectedly, it didn’t bother me at all. I suppose next years mile stone will be the one to really hit hard.
I had a great day, got to sleep in, breakfast was made for me by my husband and children, I got an ice cream cake, flowers and a little wee netbook. The day was sunny, a bit chilly, but the sunset was absolutely incredible! The most beautiful I have seen in years, every color of peach, pink orange, red, fushia, just amazing. And then a full moon. Thanks God for remembering everything I love on my birthday!
Today it is grey, cold, drizzly, and NOT my birthday. That would have been depressing.
Goals for my thirty-ninth year?
1. Write a publishable novel.
2. Succeed with homeschooling Ben.
3. Get fit enough to run the tely-ten or some such event.
4. Replace my earnings from dog grooming with earnings from writing so I can concentrate on what I love, not just on what earns money. I love the dogs, but it is too physically demanding and leaves no free time to do anything else. Yep, I am feeling bad about it already.
5. Paint the whole main floor of the house and redo the kitchen cabinets–and yes, this is a personal goal.
6. Turn forty with gusto!

Trying a new thing to see if it works. Apparently I can import blog stories into my facebook page. Let’s see if this works…

The kids and I spent three hours roaming through Bowring Park today and I could not get the Robert Frost poem out of my head. I do believe I shall memorize it, rather than only knowing a few lines and guessing at the rest. My favorite part is the end:
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the road less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.”
It feels like me. I take the road less traveled, more times than not. Not because I intentionally want my life to be more difficult, but because I think the journey is inherently more interesting when you make your own path. Do things a bit different than the norm.

At the park we found the strangest ladybug I have ever seen, more brown than red, with numerous spots.
We watched salmon struggling and failing to leap over the rapids of the river. Ben particularly loved that. We counted more than thirty attempts, I don’t think even one made it. Some actually caught air, leaping a good three or four feet up out of the water, tails thrashing, shiny scales flicking light, only to land with a slap on the flat of the rock face, get whooshed down the river again, exhausted.
Molly got attacked by a duck. Or I should say the duck got tired of being chased by a pint-sized tyrant and decided to defend itself. “Bad duckie, bad, bad, bad duckie,” she wailed across the pond, jabbing her chubby little finger in the general direction of about a hundred mallards. It was impossible not to laugh. Bad mommy laughing at the scared little kid. I still can’t believe the little thing turned on her. It left a wet mark on her pant leg at exactly duck head height. One on either side of her leg in the shape of a duck bill. The evidence was plain to see. I think that’s what struck me so funny. It didn’t hurt her, just gave her a fright, and a duckie-drool mark on her pants.
Crazy ducks.

I am loving homeschooling. It is awesome!!!
Ben is able to sit still for longer periods of time and said today that he really likes school now. At first, there was the usual protest of a kid wanting to do what he wants instead of what you want him to do, but now he really seems to be enjoying the one-on-one time with Mommy and is LEARNING.
We started with a systematic phonics program and do some handwriting, copywork. He is learning to sound out words very quickly. I am amazed at how quickly a child can learn and assimilate information. But then, Ben’s learning skills have always amazed me.
And I mustn’t forget the munchkin Molly, who is there, not wanting to be left out, but still giving her brother space and she jumps in with an answer now and again and is correct more times than I expected. She’s circles the table like a little sponge, absorbing little drips and tidbits, humming to herself, but learning at the same time.
I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to spend this time teaching my children. So thankful.

Last night I went to a Writers Group at the Mount Pearl library as part of their artfusion week. I arrived at the appointed time of 7 and no one else was there. I wandered through the stacks, wondering how lame was I to be here for an event that was so decidedly uncool that not even the facilitators showed up.
Yeah, I am that cool.
Eventually, a frazzled heavy laden lady entered the building, just as I was about to leave at 7:30, carrying about a hundred writing books, tea cups, a dozen types of tea, milk, sugar, pens and paper. Aha, that has got to be the leader.
Apparently the group started at 7:30, typo on the website and an error with the library for they too thought it started at 7. So, there is the one lady, me and look, one other person arriving through the doors.
But still, I decide to persist, I have a babysitter, I am out of the house, how bad could it be?
Others join the group, one by one, Hilary, Chris, Seamus, Denise, me of course and the leader, Christine.
Not so bad after all.
We bat around our names, what we like, how we write, our problems with motivation, time restraints and enjoy tea, everyone partakes and participates. We clue up the evening with a brief writing exercise which involves taking three random words from the dictionary and free-writing for ten minutes, using all three words. And in the last three minutes, I think I am actually on to something. I may have found an in. An opening. I have a twinkling of a story that is completely different from all the other crap I have written and is what I would like to write.
So the time spent milling about and waiting was most definitely worth it.
We will see what I can do with it.
Plus everyone there was so different and yet we all related well and a camaraderie of sorts was started. The plan is to meet once a month– again we will see how that pans out, but I am all for it. Anything that gets me a night off from putting the kids to bed is alright with me.

We decided awhile back to homeschool our kids. Lots of reasons, academic, social, lack of any Christianity in the school system, but tonight I am having a real hard time. Tomorrow should be his first day of school, you know the drill, the new backpack, new shoes, take a picture on the front step with his little sister hugging him goodbye, our boy growing up. I am an emotional wreck tonight. You only get one first day of kindergarten, right. Am I ruining his life? Am I robbing him of something, or am I saving him from something. I just don’t know anymore if it is the right decision or not.
We started homeschool last week and while it is going okay, I still wonder if I am doing the right thing. Will he hate us for this when he grows up or will he be happy we did it? Of course there are no answers, no way to know, and that is what is so frustrating about it.
And also in the balance hangs my sanity.
I could have three hours a day, five days a week, completely Ben-free. I love him intensely, yet he drives to the brink! Except when we are schooling—the one-on-one is what he lives for. Pure straight attention.
Maybe for him, it is the right thing. But is it the right thing for me. What am I giving up in my life to give him the best start? Twelve years is a long time.
The hardest decision I have ever made.
I want to homeschool my children, but is it for the right reasons? If I can’t explain it, is it valid?

Should I rethink the whole writing thing based on not getting into a stinking course based on the ‘~merits of my portfolio~’.  Bahhh…  Who cares, right?  I know I didn’t put a lot of effort into it.  Maybe I deliberately didn’t just so that I could have that excuse if not accepted because truthfully, if I had have been accepted into the course based on the merit of that portfolio, well I am not sure that the class would have been all that worth taking.

What is wrong with me anyway?  Am I afraid to really try because what if I actually do give it my all and I still FAIL!  Then what.  You tell me.  What do I do then?  Find something new to obsess about and persue relentlessly for years but still only giving it a mediocre try.

I either have to just let it go or give it my all.

And I have not yet made that decision.